City Love - John Mayer
Life is not a movie. You've got to make your own music if you're going to dance in the rain. With so much spinning in our lives constantly, I continue to tell myself I am strong. And somehow, I become. I am a firm believer in having faith. Faith for something, faith in a God, in a better world, in the dream you envision as your life. Have something to hold on to. Otherwise, what is that point?
This roller coast has had us some highs and lows that don't just feel like butterflies; think stomach in your throat kind. In ten days we will close on our third attempt to become homeowners. After all, third time's a charm. It's completely opposite of what we were looking for, and I've just come to accept, and to be honest be completely content with, that that is us. That is who we are. That is how we do. Seriously. But then again, where would the feeling come from.
I am as sure as I can possibly be after two prior failed attempts, that we are getting this house. However, this financial crisis of ours is breathing up our backs and lingering in our necks. Is this simply something we will overcome without misstep, or is this our incredible dumb luck and this is just bad timing. Somehow, I don't care.
For the first time in a long time, even with all of this heavy lingering doubt that has just so conveniently shown up the last few weeks, I am incredibly calm. I feel brave, and strong, and passionate, and I feel as though I'm reuniting with a self I have not allowed myself to see in a long time. I am so completely in love with Kevin, and my friends, and my family - it's like when you go to take a picture out of a window, and without lifting the screen its just not the same. I feel like the screen has been lifted from in front of my eyes and I can so simply appreciate the things around me. It's intoxicating and terrifying all at the same time. And I don't know what to do with it.
As I pack up our entire life, and choose between what gets boxed and what gets tossed, seems to be such a shame. Our memories and things that make us feel something are all too important to toss because they are a sentimental item with no value. How can you say something has no value, when it is the sole reason you are who you are right this moment. Shouldn't that matter? Shouldn't breath we breathe be worth something? And if you hesitate to agree with this for one moment, then you are not living. You are not appreciating, you don't have a clue.
Better to have loved and lost.
This amazing home that Kevin and I will be moving into shortly will bring us back to life like we never missed a step. The simple things - a washer and dryer. No one living above you. A kitchen I can cook Kevin supper in. The important things - seeing Kevin more. Me and him. He and I. Best friends enjoying each moment of every day. But then the guilt, and the hurt, and the sad emptiness of not being close to everyone we love. That leaves such a void in my heart, it almost makes it seem not worth it.
I can feel it. This is where we are supposed to be going. This is the best thing we can do. I just know. But I have my reservations. My beliefs and truths make me take caution, but that soul I haven't talked to in a very long time, is telling me to breathe. More and more everyday. I'm going with my gut, and more importantly, with my heart.
Christie and Joe had their little boy, Charlie Joseph, and I could not be happier. Kevin is so proud to be an uncle, he loves kids so much. And Christie and Joe are such wonderful people, they will make amazing parents and so deserve this. I'm so excited to be Uncle Kevin and Auntie Brooke, and be a part in his life. Kevin will make an amazing uncle, just like he'll make an amazing dad when it comes time to give Charlie a cousin.
Luke has had some hard times lately, and it breaks my heart that I can't just make it all ok for him. I am slightly selfish in the matter tho, because our relationship has never been stronger. There is not one day that I don't think about how extremely fortunate and lucky to have such an amazing bond with my brother. To feel you have that reinforcement in your life - he is on my side. Two against the world. Regardless.
I may take two kitties from my parents and bring them to the new house..I've already named them Thelma and Louise, so I'm slightly committed at this point. Poor Kevin, thank the Lord he finds my quirks more endearing than anything.
There is a court date set for the case with Ralph, so we may get some good news (fingers crossed) with that.
And that's all I can think to update on - I'll post pictures of the house and we'll get started on that journey! Hopefully with this fresh start I'll get back to place of me and write a little more often, live and and love a little more too.
Life is not a movie. You've got to make your own music if you're going to dance in the rain. With so much spinning in our lives constantly, I continue to tell myself I am strong. And somehow, I become. I am a firm believer in having faith. Faith for something, faith in a God, in a better world, in the dream you envision as your life. Have something to hold on to. Otherwise, what is that point?
This roller coast has had us some highs and lows that don't just feel like butterflies; think stomach in your throat kind. In ten days we will close on our third attempt to become homeowners. After all, third time's a charm. It's completely opposite of what we were looking for, and I've just come to accept, and to be honest be completely content with, that that is us. That is who we are. That is how we do. Seriously. But then again, where would the feeling come from.
I am as sure as I can possibly be after two prior failed attempts, that we are getting this house. However, this financial crisis of ours is breathing up our backs and lingering in our necks. Is this simply something we will overcome without misstep, or is this our incredible dumb luck and this is just bad timing. Somehow, I don't care.
For the first time in a long time, even with all of this heavy lingering doubt that has just so conveniently shown up the last few weeks, I am incredibly calm. I feel brave, and strong, and passionate, and I feel as though I'm reuniting with a self I have not allowed myself to see in a long time. I am so completely in love with Kevin, and my friends, and my family - it's like when you go to take a picture out of a window, and without lifting the screen its just not the same. I feel like the screen has been lifted from in front of my eyes and I can so simply appreciate the things around me. It's intoxicating and terrifying all at the same time. And I don't know what to do with it.
As I pack up our entire life, and choose between what gets boxed and what gets tossed, seems to be such a shame. Our memories and things that make us feel something are all too important to toss because they are a sentimental item with no value. How can you say something has no value, when it is the sole reason you are who you are right this moment. Shouldn't that matter? Shouldn't breath we breathe be worth something? And if you hesitate to agree with this for one moment, then you are not living. You are not appreciating, you don't have a clue.
Better to have loved and lost.
This amazing home that Kevin and I will be moving into shortly will bring us back to life like we never missed a step. The simple things - a washer and dryer. No one living above you. A kitchen I can cook Kevin supper in. The important things - seeing Kevin more. Me and him. He and I. Best friends enjoying each moment of every day. But then the guilt, and the hurt, and the sad emptiness of not being close to everyone we love. That leaves such a void in my heart, it almost makes it seem not worth it.
I can feel it. This is where we are supposed to be going. This is the best thing we can do. I just know. But I have my reservations. My beliefs and truths make me take caution, but that soul I haven't talked to in a very long time, is telling me to breathe. More and more everyday. I'm going with my gut, and more importantly, with my heart.
Christie and Joe had their little boy, Charlie Joseph, and I could not be happier. Kevin is so proud to be an uncle, he loves kids so much. And Christie and Joe are such wonderful people, they will make amazing parents and so deserve this. I'm so excited to be Uncle Kevin and Auntie Brooke, and be a part in his life. Kevin will make an amazing uncle, just like he'll make an amazing dad when it comes time to give Charlie a cousin.
Luke has had some hard times lately, and it breaks my heart that I can't just make it all ok for him. I am slightly selfish in the matter tho, because our relationship has never been stronger. There is not one day that I don't think about how extremely fortunate and lucky to have such an amazing bond with my brother. To feel you have that reinforcement in your life - he is on my side. Two against the world. Regardless.
I may take two kitties from my parents and bring them to the new house..I've already named them Thelma and Louise, so I'm slightly committed at this point. Poor Kevin, thank the Lord he finds my quirks more endearing than anything.
There is a court date set for the case with Ralph, so we may get some good news (fingers crossed) with that.
And that's all I can think to update on - I'll post pictures of the house and we'll get started on that journey! Hopefully with this fresh start I'll get back to place of me and write a little more often, live and and love a little more too.
